I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
