As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize