So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
