Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
