She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
