I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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