he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
