the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
