lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize