OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
