hotel room ftw
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
