hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize