So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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