I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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