Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
