im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize