if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
