oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
