Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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