I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
40s are totally the cure
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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