Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
