I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
