So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
