Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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