ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
