so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
