i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
