oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
