i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
