new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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