Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
