Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
