Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize