I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Two words: blizzard sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
