Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
