i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
operation have a gay friend backfired
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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