I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
