I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize