I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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