i just google imaged poop.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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