so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
