there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I AM VODKA MAN
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
