this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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