so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
