fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
