so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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