i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
