Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
