I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
