fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
