You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize