Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
