apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
