mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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