Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Randomize
