he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
