You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
