Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think my moral compass just broke
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
