In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize