Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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