I wanna bring you to show and tell
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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