So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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