Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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