I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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