I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
