he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
