I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
