Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
