Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
