Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
