That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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