I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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