I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
