I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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