I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
