i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
