I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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