This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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