At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So squirting runs in the family.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
