Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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