well I can't set my house on fire every night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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