dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Panties = found
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