He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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