You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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