Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
