they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
