well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
