My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
