i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
