Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
