found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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