paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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