My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
