My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
