sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
