I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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