He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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