wrigley field is MILF paradise
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
