if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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