..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
