you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
