I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize