I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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